In Autumn

      I don't understand why my family do the things they do, infact i confuse my self a lot of the time. having been put outdoors made me feel empty inside because life was moving really fast, not too long ago my father was put in jail because he was tring to light my house on fire an he use to beat my mother, now my brother, sammy,  was living with another family, I didnt see my mother as mush as I would have like too, but atleas I made some friends. Frieda and Claudia really help me, but i dont know why Claudia hated Shirley Temple so much, I undersatnd if you dont like her but she is so beautiful and why wouldn't someone want to look like her, everybody loves her.
          I love to drink out of the Shirley Temple sauser just so i can see her face, but one thing i didn't like about living there is getting in trouble. there was one day that i got in so much trouble for drink almost all of the MacTeers' milk that she sent all of us outside. That day I got my first ministratin, it streamed down my legs, Cladia got really scared but Frieda knew what to do, she tried to help me but Rosemary was spying on us and she told on me, I didn't really get in trouble though. I remember that night we started talking about how I can start having babies now but Frieda said I need to get love before I get a baby, I asked. How but no one talked about that.
          In my old house, we use to have three rooms, the front room, the kitchen, and the bed room. We all slept in the same bedroom and we all like to be in the living room but we all hated the couch in the front room, it was ripped and ugly but we still had to pay for it.
     I remember there was one day when my father, cholly can home drunk, I feel like my mother liked to argue because she would get bored with out it. And my father needed someone to argue with because he was mad at himself for something he had done, when he was younger, he was forced to do something while the white men watched, he could not bare the idea he was so weak, he is not mad at the men, some say he was mad at the lady he was with, but I can tell he was mad at himself.
          That day that my father was drunk there was fight my father last the fight but I don't know why my family do the things they do. That night I prayed to god to take my eyes away so I don't have to see things like that anymore, I believe that things would be different if I were beautiful, if I hade blue eyes. I met some prostitutes that talk about funny stories, I asked About love and what it was like, I wondered if my parents love each other.